Sunday, October 10, 2010

Forgive Infidelities

We forgive people for our own benefit. We put things behind us, declare at least to ourselves that we no longer expect to be repaid for the debt, and allow ourselves to move on. We can forgive people that are passed away or with whom we no longer have any possible contact. We don't have to tell them that we have forgiven them.

Reconciliation is beyond that and involved some reestablishment of trust. That's generally something that has to be earned through actions, not words, over a serious period of time and is not compatible with lies, deception, or being misled by not knowing or understanding relevant pertinent facts. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense to reconcile. I have a person I have forgiven but can't reconcile because I am still concerned about how they might treat some of my dependents if I had a relationship with them again.

Leaving oneself open for injury is generally a bad and some might say stupid thing to do. You can forgive a snake for biting you, because they were just doing what snakes do, but to give the snake an opportunity to bite you again under similar circumstances would be foolish unless you knew that the snake had been de-fanged or otherwise controlled.

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